A full three days into the new year seemed like enough time to finalize my New Year's resolutions. The top of the list is no different than any of the previous five years or so: lose 15 lbs. I've gotta get lighter because I'm packing around a five-month-old in my mid-section. I have one pair of jeans that fit. My other jeans fit like women's Jordache. Anyway, so I'm going to try eating better, eating less and exercising more. Failing that, tapeworm.
Resolution number two, no more $10 lunches. Some of my co-workers and I singlehandedly buoy the local economy with too frequent lunches. I have to cut back. I'm talking more KFC, more Hardee's, more Taco Bell, more Chick Fil-A. I need less Chili's, less Red Robin, you get the idea. Mainly I think I just need to concentrate on restaurants without servers so as to avoid constantly paying for tips. Maybe you're asking how I'm going to simultaneously increase my intake of fast food and decrease my body weight. The answer is, of course, bulemia.
And my third resolution is to watch more sports and spend more time with my damn weiner kids.
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