These are a few of my favorite things

As I'm sitting here, it dawns on me just how great a day today has been, the events of which are culminating in this celebratory post. As I sit here, laptop in lap, there's a fire to my right that couldn't exactly be described as roaring, but it's eager and persistent. It's sort of hissing, like the kind of fire you'd make if all you had to make a fire was a car cigarette lighter and some old rulers. I'm watching my beloved Orange hang on to win a squeaker over the Bulls of South Florida on the hardwood and it's a Friday night, a full two days before I have back to work. My house is clean thanks in no small part to my sisters-in-law having volunteered to come over and get everything back in ship-shape. One of my sisters-in-law even stayed late into the evening, diligently finishing up the laundry. This must be what it's like to have a illegal alien housekeeper, except instead of paying her under the table it's like she has 80 hours of community service so we don't have to pay her at all. Yes, it's truly been a good day. I even had Penn Station for lunch.

Now I'm thinking about some things that would make this day even better. Here's a not-quite-exhaustive list:

1. Sandra Bullock wanders onto my property brandishing a very small knife, like the really small one on a Swiss Army knife. Maybe she's probably in my yard for some totally legitimate reason - maybe she thought she saw Ben Affleck and a friendly face is what she needs right now, who knows - but I assume she come to sell drugs to my kids. So, I hit her in the midsection with a big tree branch. Then, I lure her near the garage by pretending to be injured and commence to whip her with a fishing rod like I'm caning a Phillipino boy.
   
2. In the early morning hours there's an awful racket of heavy construction outside my bedroom window. I'm thinking, "What is that awful racket!" I march to my daughter's window to find out what all this ruckus is about to see a Taco John's is being built across the street.
3. CNN news crawl: Golden Girls movie due out this spring!
4. There's that funny noise coming from my fridge again. Could be the icemaker. I'd better investigate. Ha, would you look at that? It's doing that thing again where it takes water and turns it into peppermint patties and Susan B. Anthony dollars.
5. Wait, there's my cellphone. It's Dan. He's asking me if I've been listening to sports talk radio. "I'm watching the Sugar Bowl," I say. "Why would I be listening to the radio at night?" I say. He tells me Brett Favre has just been suspended for the entire 2009 season for -- and I'm quoting here -- "conduct detrimental to the NFL stemming from unwarranted, uninvited and unreturned sexual advances toward Nick Jonas, the youngest member of the Disney boy band, The Jonas Brothers. "

If I could only pick two, I'll take 2 and 4. If I can only pick one, then 5.